The Great Chocolate Bet

Why won't men admit they love chocolate? We women proudly admit, even brag about our chocolate addiction. Yes, there are some out there who don't like chocolate, and I'm sure there's a special place in heaven for them. When I get there (actually, that should be "if I get there") I, however, will choose to consort with those who will take their chance on messing up the nearest cloud with fingers covered in melted Ghirardelli squares. And if there's no chocolate in heaven at all, forget it, I won't go. Same goes for Fluffernutters. Philly cream cheese just ain't gonna do it!



My husband knows I have a chocolate stash, and he knows he can get chocolate there, but only with my permission -- and even then I only dole out chocolate of my choosing. Think that's mean? Hey, nobody's stopping him from having his own stash!



My boss, Steven, who, I will say at the outset, is one of the nicest guys in the world, is addicted to chocolate in the worst way. He will go to Robin's cubicle and help himself many times a day(which is fine, because she puts it out for everyone), and one time he saw me pulling some out of my stash at work (yes, I have two stashes) and hovered around, denying that he wanted any even though I offered it. One time Leeh (pronounced Lee) filled her bowl, then left the office for the weekend. When she came back on Monday, there were six pieces left. When she asked Steve why he didn't just finish it up (notice she knew exactly who to ask), he said "Well, I didn't want to eat all of it!" So it is a never ending battle.



Steven, who is not unlike an absent minded professor at times, also has a problem with taking pads out of the conference room. As the receptionist, it's my responsibility to make sure there are two pads and two pens in the conference rooms at all times, and it's not exactly rocket science, so I try to do this. The problem occurs when someone goes into the conference room with a client directly after Steven has been there. Those pads are gone. Bellows of "STEVEN!" have been heard as a result. They know. They all know.



As a big believer in consequences, I decided that in order to keep the pads in the conference rooms, I would tell Steven that he could not have any of the chocolate in the office until he learned to keep the pads in the rooms. Now, we were outside the staff accountant's office when this happened. Steven said, when confronted "I don't have a problem with chocolate!!" Patty, the staff accountant burst out with "Oh Steven, I've been dealing with your chocolate addiction for years -- don't tell me you don't have a problem!" An argument commenced, and at that moment the phone rang, so I had to run and answer it. But I had made my point.



About an hour later, I saw an entry on Steven's calendar on Outlook. It said "SJG (that's Steven) bet Patty $300 that he would not eat chocolate for 6 months. If he wins, Patty pays him $30." I could hardly believe it -- this was a win-win situation for Patty! 10 to 1 odds! But I asked Patty, and it was true. Well, I wanted in on this action! So I bugged Steven, and he finally came back with a solution -- if I put in $10, he would pay out $100 if he lost! I took that bet!



Then, on the way home, I started thinking -- hey I'm a nice little Mormon girl (the nice, little, and girl parts all being used loosely) -- I'm not supposed to be making bets! I immediately felt ashamed and decided I would call off the bet, but then I decided that I would use the money I won (and I am going to win it) and give the whole $100 to charity. I'd like to give it to the Heritage Foundation, since Steve is kind of a liberal (he offered me the chance to take Inauguration Day off (the Immaculate Inauguration) if I went to an inauguration celebration that night, and of course, I said no way -- I have my principles!), but I decided instead that I would either give it to the Marine Corps Scholarship Fund or the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society.



Steven didn't come in the office today, and I hope he is honoring his side of the deal. I think we're going to have to call his wife and make sure she keeps him on the straight and narrow. This week we're going to print out some pictures of him, put those big red circles with the line going through it, a la Ghostbusters, on the picture, then hang it around all of the candy bowls in the office. As you can see, having a devious mind can come in very handy.



This is gonna be fun!!!!!!!